Finding Strength After Trauma: A Message of Hope and Healing for Victims of Abuse

Abuse in any form is an unspeakable violation that leaves deep emotional and physical scars. Whether you’ve experienced emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual abuse, I want you to know that healing is possible, and you are not alone. Abuse happens far too often, and while it’s difficult to talk about, breaking the silence is one of the first steps toward reclaiming your life. I’m here to offer encouragement, support, and guidance, so you can find the strength to move forward on your own terms.

The Prevalence of Abuse: National Statistics

Abuse affects millions of people every year, and it’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t a women’s issue—it’s a human issue. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, which includes a range of behaviors from slapping, shoving, to more severe assaults like choking.

It’s critical to recognize that men can be victims of abuse too, and in many cases, they face added stigma that discourages them from seeking help. Abuse knows no gender, age, or socioeconomic boundaries.

Understanding the Signs of Abuse

Recognizing the signs of abuse is crucial in taking the first step toward ending it. Abuse can be subtle, but it always involves a dynamic where one person exerts power and control over the other. Here are some common characteristics and warning signs:

Characteristics of Abusers:

• Controlling behavior: Monitoring your every move, dictating what you wear, who you see, or what you do.

• Verbal abuse: Insults, belittling comments, or any form of communication designed to make you feel worthless.

• Isolation: Cutting you off from friends and family, making you rely solely on them for social interaction.

• Blame-shifting: Abusers often blame their behavior on stress, drugs, alcohol, or even the victim, claiming “you made me do it.”

• Intimidation and threats: Using physical threats, breaking objects, or even harming pets to instill fear.

• Gaslighting: Denying events or reality to make you doubt your memory or sanity.

Characteristics of Victims:

• Fear of speaking out: Victims often fear retaliation, shame, or disbelief if they try to leave or report the abuse.

• Constant self-blame: Feeling responsible for the abuser’s behavior or making excuses for them.

• Low self-esteem: A gradual loss of confidence and self-worth, often due to constant criticism or emotional manipulation.

• Isolation: Victims may withdraw from friends, family, or social circles out of fear, shame, or as a result of the abuser’s control.

• Physical signs: Unexplained injuries or frequent “accidents” that are covered with vague excuses.

How to Seek Help and Stay Safe

One of the hardest steps for any abuse victim is reaching out for help, especially if the abuser is still in your life. But there are ways to safely communicate your situation and seek help, even when it feels like there’s no way out.

Actionable Steps for Victims:

1. Create a safety plan: Know where to go, how to get there, and who to contact if you need to leave quickly. This could include packing an emergency bag with essentials like clothes, important documents, and some money. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers personalized safety planning help: TheHotline.org.

2. Use code words: If you’re in immediate danger and can’t communicate freely, establish a code word or signal with trusted family or friends. This will let them know to send help or check on you.

3. Reach out safely: If the abuser monitors your phone or social media, be cautious. Use public phones, a friend’s device, or a computer at the library to contact a trusted individual or resource. Always clear your browsing history after seeking help online.

4. Document the abuse: Keep a detailed journal of incidents, take photos of injuries, or save threatening messages. This will help you if and when you decide to report the abuse to authorities.

5. Contact a local shelter or hotline: Reach out to domestic violence shelters, which offer safe housing, counseling, and legal resources. Many shelters can help you develop a safe exit plan. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a 24/7 confidential resource: 1-800-799-SAFE.

Resources for Victims of Abuse

I strongly encourage you to seek help from the resources available to you. Ending a toxic relationship is not easy, but there is a community ready to support you every step of the way. Here are a few national resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. Visit their website for more information: TheHotline.org

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 24/7 support for victims of sexual violence. Visit rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): Resources for legal help, safety planning, and more. ncadv.org

• Love Is Respect: For young adults and teens experiencing abuse, call 1-866-331-9474, or text “LOVEIS” to 22522. loveisrespect.org

You Deserve Peace

If you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship, I want you to know that you deserve peace, happiness, and a life free from fear. It’s easy to feel trapped, but you are so much stronger than you know. There are people who will listen, believe you, and help you through this. Healing is possible, and no matter how long it takes, you are worth it.

As you consider your next steps, remember that there is no shame in seeking help. Surround yourself with support, and take things at your own pace. I’m here to encourage you to take that first step toward ending the abuse, but only when you’re ready. My message is simple: You matter, your safety matters, and your voice deserves to be heard. You are not alone.